I was running, gasping for air, sweating under the 8 morning sun, when I heard this: wang...wang...wang. It was a patrol siren following me. I wondered. For sure, I am not the first runner!
Fellow toastmasters and guests, I don't ride, I run.
When two of my colleagues invited me to join them in Dumaguete for a 21-kilometer race, I, without moments of doubt, said YES! Now I know why, two of them simultaneously grinned when I said that one word - Yes. It was I who gave them, perhaps, the biggest shock in their life.
We all run. I run. I belong to the generation where our playground is the street, corn fields, and open lots. So I thought, it will be easy. Oh running, you are my game, is what came running around my mind.
It all happened in 2007 during the 31st Milo Marathon. The venue: my hometown Dumaguete. Gun start: 4am. When we arrived in the public plaza, I was astonished with the volume of runners. I said, "Oh, those ambitious little children. Watch me do it", with an arrogant smile. "Excuse me! Excuse me!" as I penetrated the noisy crowd. They were all anxious. I was not. I looked for an open space enough for my arms to circle and stretch. Looking around, I felt so confident, that I can breeze through each one of them, like a speed of an MRT.
Suddenly, one man stood up on stage, holding a megaphone, and raising a gun. "21-kilometer-runners, are you ready?" Five. Four. Three. Two. One. And then the gun shot. The crowd of runners rushed. So I rushed. I speeded. But they speeded too. Until I noticed those little children, ran past me. Feeling the insult, I doubled my steps. But they were just...fast! So I tried to forget about those children disrespecting me. I was just running my pace. Well, my turtle pace. No pressure. Im not in a hurry! In my mind, I said, "We will still see each other at the finish line."
Feeling a little bit tired already, I realized, oh, this is quiet a long distance. I should have known. But the huge pride in me, shouted, "You should finish!" So I continued to run. When the flesh is weak, even though the spirit is willing, the flesh wins, so I walked. Never mind the judgmental looks of people. I ignored each one of them. And then I heard someone shouted, "Jay Cris, why are you there?" Of course, I was too weak to even shout back. In silence, I just said, "Because I am not lazy like you." I continued telling myself, "Common, these little steps will take you to the finish line." Until, I saw the turning point. What a beautiful sight! I heaved a huge sigh of relief. Ten Kilometer is finally conquered!
I was running, gasping for air, sweating under the 8 morning sun, when I heard this: wang...wang...wang. It was a patrol siren following me. I wondered. For sure, I am not the first runner! What is this? And then I heard people, in a loud conversation, saying, "There, there is the first runner! The champion!" And they were clapping their hands. The patrol man, who was already beside me, with his radio in one hand said, "I am with the last runner of the race, Roger. I am with the last runner of the race, Roger." I wanted to disappear at that moment. I wish I can just press one button to open up the ground, eat me up, and disappear forever. Still not giving up, I said to the man, "Sir, can you just stay a little farther?" And he replied, "No Sir, my task is to accompany the last runner!" And then he radio'ed again, "We are still very far, Roger. We are still very far, Roger." And that drained all the hopes in me. My pride is gone. So I humbly made a request to the patrol man, "Sir, can you offer a ride for me going back to the hotel?" He answered, "I can bring you to the finish line Sir! We've got free ice-cold milo there." I answered, "I'm already tired, Sir. I wanted to rest." Polite way of saying, "No thank you. My pride is more precious than your ice-cold Milo!" So there, I stopped running and yes, I am still proud, I saved seven pesos for my fare going back to the hotel.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Questions, Lessons, and Wonderings
As I sit at the corner where I can hear the sound of coffee-making, feel the coldness of the weather, and get distracted with the blistering lights of vehicles passing by, i return to this blog and write. I am not in Dumaguete but I write now. Perhaps because I try to find some therapy or some sort of "me" time.
Earlier, I walked, quite a long distance from 888 to a coffeeshop with the green logo. And more often than not, walking, makes me want to walk through the past, or think about the course of living my life. You see, life is different when you are in your late twenty-something. Somehow, you frequently think of whether you live or merely exist.
The cold, crisp air along Lacson Street stirred the melancholic in me that led me to sit down, stare, think, and write.
A lot of times, the "pauses" that we experience in our life, or the "stops", or the "silence" are sometimes gifts to us. In moments like this, we let our world stop, look inside us, and ask ourselves the essential question, "Am I living or merely existing?". The daily grind can make us tired, lest, we forget that there is more to it in life. Sometimes when we work so hard, our bodies and mind become so weak, that it leads to make our mind settle to what is routinary and easily think that perhaps - this is what my existence is all about. Sometimes when we are caught in the busyness of our daily routine, we easily settle for what is convenient. We love to do the ordinary. We stop growing. And because our mind become weary, we tell ourselves, this is how to live life. I have a life! I can eat more than 3 times a day. I can travel. I can shop every weekend. I can drink Starbucks coffee. I can eat in restaurants. Wow! I am living a good life! But until when?
And this is perhaps, what most of the twenty-something experienced. Of course, myself included. We are so eager to make a name. We jumpstart a career we have envisioned ourselves to be. We are so energetic. We love finding ourselves so caught up in the busyness of life. Perhaps, because we equate busyness with productivity. Or busyness with self-worth and value. We say yes to all activities. We join and lead in civic organizations. We travel. We make new friends. We speak to an audience. We are everywhere. Yet, at the end of it all, we end up still trying to figure out our life. And we ask ourselves whether we truly are successful or not. What are the barometers of success after all?
Our solitude moments are the times to make sense of our day-to-day activities. It is in silence that we can truly find meaning with what we have. It is when we are alone when we see the person that we are and not the person that people around you want you to be.
Life is full of distractions. People. Things. Fame. Prestige. Wealth. Power. Now that I am in my late twenty-something, I have learned that these things matter but they dont matter the most. They are only trappings of life. But not life in itself. What still matters, are the things that are invisible in the eye - inner peace, loving family, good relationships. The trappings of life will give happiness, yes, but not the lasting kind. They will, more often than not, only create distractions. We should keep our sight above these distractions so that we will truly see the essential things.
I am a work-in-progress. Nothing is certain yet. I am not yet a finished product - in fact very far from it. I am not yet full. I wake up each day trying to find meaning in all of the things that I do. I am still trying to figure out if this is what I wanted. I am still on the look-out of signs and symbols as I walk through life in the hope that I am treading the right path. I am still in search of the pieces of myself that my Creator wants me to be.
Earlier, I walked, quite a long distance from 888 to a coffeeshop with the green logo. And more often than not, walking, makes me want to walk through the past, or think about the course of living my life. You see, life is different when you are in your late twenty-something. Somehow, you frequently think of whether you live or merely exist.
The cold, crisp air along Lacson Street stirred the melancholic in me that led me to sit down, stare, think, and write.
A lot of times, the "pauses" that we experience in our life, or the "stops", or the "silence" are sometimes gifts to us. In moments like this, we let our world stop, look inside us, and ask ourselves the essential question, "Am I living or merely existing?". The daily grind can make us tired, lest, we forget that there is more to it in life. Sometimes when we work so hard, our bodies and mind become so weak, that it leads to make our mind settle to what is routinary and easily think that perhaps - this is what my existence is all about. Sometimes when we are caught in the busyness of our daily routine, we easily settle for what is convenient. We love to do the ordinary. We stop growing. And because our mind become weary, we tell ourselves, this is how to live life. I have a life! I can eat more than 3 times a day. I can travel. I can shop every weekend. I can drink Starbucks coffee. I can eat in restaurants. Wow! I am living a good life! But until when?
And this is perhaps, what most of the twenty-something experienced. Of course, myself included. We are so eager to make a name. We jumpstart a career we have envisioned ourselves to be. We are so energetic. We love finding ourselves so caught up in the busyness of life. Perhaps, because we equate busyness with productivity. Or busyness with self-worth and value. We say yes to all activities. We join and lead in civic organizations. We travel. We make new friends. We speak to an audience. We are everywhere. Yet, at the end of it all, we end up still trying to figure out our life. And we ask ourselves whether we truly are successful or not. What are the barometers of success after all?
Our solitude moments are the times to make sense of our day-to-day activities. It is in silence that we can truly find meaning with what we have. It is when we are alone when we see the person that we are and not the person that people around you want you to be.
Life is full of distractions. People. Things. Fame. Prestige. Wealth. Power. Now that I am in my late twenty-something, I have learned that these things matter but they dont matter the most. They are only trappings of life. But not life in itself. What still matters, are the things that are invisible in the eye - inner peace, loving family, good relationships. The trappings of life will give happiness, yes, but not the lasting kind. They will, more often than not, only create distractions. We should keep our sight above these distractions so that we will truly see the essential things.
I am a work-in-progress. Nothing is certain yet. I am not yet a finished product - in fact very far from it. I am not yet full. I wake up each day trying to find meaning in all of the things that I do. I am still trying to figure out if this is what I wanted. I am still on the look-out of signs and symbols as I walk through life in the hope that I am treading the right path. I am still in search of the pieces of myself that my Creator wants me to be.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Year-end Thoughts
Today, the last day of 2013, will usher a new start. Another beginning.
It is, with a happy feeling, that we can start anew - change what needs to be changed and start doing the things that are in your bucket list. Or perhaps, this year is the time to make your own bucket list.
2013 is a hard year, well i guess, for all of humanity, Filipinos most especially. We have been shaken literally and metaphorically.
Convincingly, 'twas a hard year but it made me, well, a better or wiser person.
First of all, i have learned to be more grateful. After all the destructive calamities that hit the country, I am spared. I am alive. Thank you God. And my thank you note to Him comes heeding the opportunity to help. We were spared because we are called to help. I have learned that gratitude is an action word. It means being emphatic. It means going out of your room and help. It means giving up, temporarily, your comfort zone. To me, it even means, not listening to critics and just continue to do it. In the arena or life, the critics should not matter. What will matter is you and your intentions. When we organized the dinner for a cause for the victims of typhoon Yolanda, we gained supporters and critics. I was deeply disturbed. I saw apathy. I saw indifference. But that only fueled our wanting to help. That only gave us the formidable strength to just do it. And we made it. I then realized that critics are there because of two things - first, to give you more focus and second, to make you stronger - thus you end up victorious. That's it. Thank you to all our critics.
I have also learned that we live in an interdependent world - one that is fragile. I have started advocating for Climate Change this year. And I regret to realize it quite late. My facebook profile pic depicts the Earth on Fire. It really is. Climate change is so real. We dont need to look for evidence because the evidence is already in front of you - before your own eyes. We should realize that our Earth is a fragile ecosystem. The fast rising of the temperature on Earth, if not stopped, will make this world, unlivable. And the rate is fast moving. And it will take you and me to do it. We should stop thinking that China activities will only affect China and US activities will only affect the US. We live in a world without walls. We all live in one world. We affect one another.
I have learned that I am growing older. (Smiling) I used to think that youth is forever. Until later this year, I need to slow down a bit because my body feels the fatigue. I realized that things are not the way it used to be. When I arrive in the house and watch news, I only realized that I have not watched anything at all when I wake up in the night with uniform on, and TV showing already the late night news. Haha. I have confessed this to a friend within my age group and we said "Cheers to Old Age". Growing old is fun.
Lastly, I am convinced, that Life is only temporary. No one lives forever. For another passing year, we should be comforted by the fact that we are all passers by. No one holds the distinction of being the richest, most famous, most beautiful, most successful, best actress when we die. What people remember are usually that good things that you have done. How you have affected them. How you have inspired them. How you have loved them.
Cheers to a happier 2014!
It is, with a happy feeling, that we can start anew - change what needs to be changed and start doing the things that are in your bucket list. Or perhaps, this year is the time to make your own bucket list.
2013 is a hard year, well i guess, for all of humanity, Filipinos most especially. We have been shaken literally and metaphorically.
Convincingly, 'twas a hard year but it made me, well, a better or wiser person.
First of all, i have learned to be more grateful. After all the destructive calamities that hit the country, I am spared. I am alive. Thank you God. And my thank you note to Him comes heeding the opportunity to help. We were spared because we are called to help. I have learned that gratitude is an action word. It means being emphatic. It means going out of your room and help. It means giving up, temporarily, your comfort zone. To me, it even means, not listening to critics and just continue to do it. In the arena or life, the critics should not matter. What will matter is you and your intentions. When we organized the dinner for a cause for the victims of typhoon Yolanda, we gained supporters and critics. I was deeply disturbed. I saw apathy. I saw indifference. But that only fueled our wanting to help. That only gave us the formidable strength to just do it. And we made it. I then realized that critics are there because of two things - first, to give you more focus and second, to make you stronger - thus you end up victorious. That's it. Thank you to all our critics.
I have also learned that we live in an interdependent world - one that is fragile. I have started advocating for Climate Change this year. And I regret to realize it quite late. My facebook profile pic depicts the Earth on Fire. It really is. Climate change is so real. We dont need to look for evidence because the evidence is already in front of you - before your own eyes. We should realize that our Earth is a fragile ecosystem. The fast rising of the temperature on Earth, if not stopped, will make this world, unlivable. And the rate is fast moving. And it will take you and me to do it. We should stop thinking that China activities will only affect China and US activities will only affect the US. We live in a world without walls. We all live in one world. We affect one another.
I have learned that I am growing older. (Smiling) I used to think that youth is forever. Until later this year, I need to slow down a bit because my body feels the fatigue. I realized that things are not the way it used to be. When I arrive in the house and watch news, I only realized that I have not watched anything at all when I wake up in the night with uniform on, and TV showing already the late night news. Haha. I have confessed this to a friend within my age group and we said "Cheers to Old Age". Growing old is fun.
Lastly, I am convinced, that Life is only temporary. No one lives forever. For another passing year, we should be comforted by the fact that we are all passers by. No one holds the distinction of being the richest, most famous, most beautiful, most successful, best actress when we die. What people remember are usually that good things that you have done. How you have affected them. How you have inspired them. How you have loved them.
Cheers to a happier 2014!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
If Tomorrow Never Comes
Statistics and I have some unresolved issues. It rooted from the time when my Statistics teacher would just barge inside the classroom and tell us let to draw a Probablity curve. No, it's not the drawing activity that started the trouble. I love drawing. Well, not really drawing. I mean, doodling, or aimless drawing to be more honest. The trouble was, finding x in the curve. And most of the time I can't find my X.
I may have hated finding my X under the curve but I have learned some statistics lesson. One, the probability of you being struck by lightning is higher than winning a 6-digit combination in the lottery. No wonder, ever since in grade school, i have not won in any game of chance such the very common, raffle draw. I just ended up waiting eagerly, hands clasped, and then walked away with bare hands. Statistics must be correct!
Probability as a branch of Mathematics, teaches us that some events in our life can be quantified in its likelihood to occur. If you toss a coin, the Probability of getting a head is 50%. Your chances of getting a natural tan in the beach can now be predicted in percentage.
Probability as a tool makes us confident. It makes us calculate the risk in the table. It gives us a more informed decision.
But what about our life? What about the number of years in our lifetime? Can we find that under the Probability Curve?
When I was around 10 years old, I thought I kissed death already. It was a cold month of December when my family crossed the sea going to the scenic island of Siquijor. The sky was overcast. The wind was blowing hard. We were on board a small pump boat made of wood and bamboo. As we sailed, the creaking sound of the wooden parts grew louder as the big waves slapped mercilessly our boat. The smell of the sea crept in as it entered through the small, circular holes just above the floor. The loud banging of the wooden windows interrupted our silent yet intense prayers. The deep exhaling as the pump boat dived down, very abruptly, that sometimes, I felt it cannot make its way up, was terrifying. And how I wish at that moment I can float in the air so that I can help the boat go up. That lasted for an hour. And for that one hour of fear and paranoia my life just hanged by a thread.
We have heard two news of an untimely death just recently. One involving a Glee star, Cory Montieth, who died very young because of drug and alcohol overdose. And second, we mourn over the death of District 75 Trainer, TM Pat Pascua. She died from a high blood pressure. We saw, how alive she was when she conducted the training last July 20. Only four weeks had passed, and we lost TM Pat. Who would think it will happen?
And then we think of our own lives. How long can we live? How many days? How many months? How many years?
No one knows. Only Him. How I wish my statistics teacher can. How I wish I can plot my number of years under the Probability curve. How I wish I can just say, " I have 80% chance to survive today. It's a great day! Or "Oh no, I only have 10 % of surviving today. I should be extremely cautious." Unfortunately, Probability will not. Science will not. Our life, unlike X ,cannot be found under the probability curve.
Tomorrow is, but a promise. Today is what we have. Today is the best time of our life. Today is the best time to be kind to everyone. Today is the best day to help. Today is the best day to be happy.
There is no other day, but today. Live today like it's your last. Make it count. Life is not about taking chances. Life is about making things happen.
I may have hated finding my X under the curve but I have learned some statistics lesson. One, the probability of you being struck by lightning is higher than winning a 6-digit combination in the lottery. No wonder, ever since in grade school, i have not won in any game of chance such the very common, raffle draw. I just ended up waiting eagerly, hands clasped, and then walked away with bare hands. Statistics must be correct!
Probability as a branch of Mathematics, teaches us that some events in our life can be quantified in its likelihood to occur. If you toss a coin, the Probability of getting a head is 50%. Your chances of getting a natural tan in the beach can now be predicted in percentage.
Probability as a tool makes us confident. It makes us calculate the risk in the table. It gives us a more informed decision.
But what about our life? What about the number of years in our lifetime? Can we find that under the Probability Curve?
When I was around 10 years old, I thought I kissed death already. It was a cold month of December when my family crossed the sea going to the scenic island of Siquijor. The sky was overcast. The wind was blowing hard. We were on board a small pump boat made of wood and bamboo. As we sailed, the creaking sound of the wooden parts grew louder as the big waves slapped mercilessly our boat. The smell of the sea crept in as it entered through the small, circular holes just above the floor. The loud banging of the wooden windows interrupted our silent yet intense prayers. The deep exhaling as the pump boat dived down, very abruptly, that sometimes, I felt it cannot make its way up, was terrifying. And how I wish at that moment I can float in the air so that I can help the boat go up. That lasted for an hour. And for that one hour of fear and paranoia my life just hanged by a thread.
We have heard two news of an untimely death just recently. One involving a Glee star, Cory Montieth, who died very young because of drug and alcohol overdose. And second, we mourn over the death of District 75 Trainer, TM Pat Pascua. She died from a high blood pressure. We saw, how alive she was when she conducted the training last July 20. Only four weeks had passed, and we lost TM Pat. Who would think it will happen?
And then we think of our own lives. How long can we live? How many days? How many months? How many years?
No one knows. Only Him. How I wish my statistics teacher can. How I wish I can plot my number of years under the Probability curve. How I wish I can just say, " I have 80% chance to survive today. It's a great day! Or "Oh no, I only have 10 % of surviving today. I should be extremely cautious." Unfortunately, Probability will not. Science will not. Our life, unlike X ,cannot be found under the probability curve.
Tomorrow is, but a promise. Today is what we have. Today is the best time of our life. Today is the best time to be kind to everyone. Today is the best day to help. Today is the best day to be happy.
There is no other day, but today. Live today like it's your last. Make it count. Life is not about taking chances. Life is about making things happen.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Friday, May 31, 2013
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