Monday, January 13, 2014

Questions, Lessons, and Wonderings

As I sit at the corner where I can hear the sound of coffee-making, feel the coldness of the weather, and get distracted with the blistering lights of vehicles passing by, i return to this blog and write. I am not in Dumaguete but I write now. Perhaps because I try to find some therapy or some sort of "me" time.

Earlier, I walked, quite a long distance from 888 to a coffeeshop with the green logo. And more often than not, walking, makes me want to walk through the past, or think about the course of living my life. You see, life is different when you are in your late twenty-something. Somehow, you frequently think of whether you live or merely exist.

The cold, crisp air along Lacson Street stirred the melancholic in me that led me to sit down, stare, think, and write.

A lot of times, the "pauses" that we experience in our life, or the "stops", or the "silence" are sometimes gifts to us. In moments like this, we let our world stop, look inside us, and ask ourselves the essential question, "Am I living or merely existing?". The daily grind can make us tired, lest, we forget that there is more to it in life. Sometimes when we work so hard, our bodies and mind become so weak, that it leads to make our mind settle to what is routinary and easily think that perhaps - this is what my existence is all about. Sometimes when we are caught in the busyness of our daily routine, we easily settle for what is convenient. We love to do the ordinary. We stop growing. And because our mind become weary, we tell ourselves, this is how to live life. I have a life! I can eat more than 3 times a day. I can travel. I can shop every weekend. I can drink Starbucks coffee. I can eat in restaurants. Wow! I am living a good life! But until when?

And this is perhaps, what most of the twenty-something experienced. Of course, myself included. We are so eager to make a name. We jumpstart a career we have envisioned ourselves to be. We are so energetic. We love finding ourselves so caught up in the busyness of life. Perhaps, because we equate busyness with productivity. Or busyness with self-worth and value. We say yes to all activities. We join and lead in civic organizations. We travel. We make new friends. We speak to an audience. We are everywhere. Yet, at the end of it all, we end up still trying to figure out our life. And we ask ourselves whether we truly are successful or not. What are the barometers of success after all?

Our solitude moments are the times to make sense of our day-to-day activities. It is in silence that we can truly find meaning with what we have. It is when we are alone when we see the person that we are and not the person that people around you want you to be.

Life is full of distractions. People. Things. Fame. Prestige. Wealth. Power. Now that I am in my late twenty-something, I have learned that these things matter but they dont matter the most. They are only trappings of life. But not life in itself. What still matters, are the things that are invisible in the eye - inner peace, loving family, good relationships. The trappings of life will give happiness, yes, but not the lasting kind. They will, more often than not, only create distractions. We should keep our sight above these distractions so that we will truly see the essential things.

I am a work-in-progress. Nothing is certain yet. I am not yet a finished product - in fact very far from it. I am not yet full. I wake up each day trying to find meaning in all of the things that I do. I am still trying to figure out if this is what I wanted. I am still on the look-out of signs and symbols as I walk through life in the hope that I am treading the right path. I am still in search of the pieces of myself that my Creator wants me to be.