I felt restless because of the words that i said. But deep inside me are words telling me that it was just an outpouring of my heart. I felt it was already too heavy to carry and it reached the brim of my emotional reservoir.
I had a serious talk with Sheila two weeks ago. Her words lingered until now, Jay you cannot do it alone. You are not the club. She was right. Sometimes, the best option is to say no, even if it means not following the dictates of your passion. Sometimes i thought of quitting. But no. It's against my will. I know the feeling is just fleeting. I will be back. I may detest it at the moment but I will find my way to it the soonest time. As I have said, I developed an addiction to it. So I had to cling to my passion! That's how i love toastmasters! It shed some light to me the dictum that says "we are happy when we are most miserable".
After one of our meetings, i had the luxury of a comfy ride with Jaclyn. She told me, time will come that its not fun anymore. Instead of being "destressed", its adds up to your daily stress. Am I near to it? I hope not.
Sometimes, i am grateful. Why? Because it moves me to write. Writing becomes my scheme for unloading the toxic contents of my heart. It is in the restlessness of my heart that i get to let it out and be renewed.
When will this last?