LIVING IN SOLITUDE

This is a previous post that i developed for the prepared international speech contest.

“It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts”.

“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone”.

I may be living alone but certainly not lonely.

I asked recently a colleague if there’s a term in psychology that refers to a person who enjoys in solitude most of the time. She seemed preoccupied with her analysis that she just earnestly smiled as an answer to my query.

"Why do you live alone in your rented house?"

That question has been asked to me innumerably that in fact I have gotten used to it. And this is how it usually started.

Commencing a conversation with a stranger, (Let me first qualify the word “stranger”. It could be a friend of my friend, an auditor from another brewery, or a new colleague) one of the informations that will be asked is the location of your house. Guilty? Then the trail of questions will follow. Take for example my case. Once they know that I am renting my own place. The follow-up question to that would be, "How many are you in the house?" I’d say "I live alone". As a follow-up to the follow-up question, would be "Why do you live alone?" If I may deduce the question, they wanted to know if it is a personal choice or a pure circumstance. So I would say it’s a choice. My answer will always elicit a conspicuous, pensive gaze shown in their eyes riveted on my face. "Are you a loner", they would ask. "I am not", I would answer.

My growing up years is not extraordinary. I am just like any other child.

When it rains, I play mud, trying to make artistic forms and shapes of anything conceivable. I am an addict of playing hide and seek under the rain, when running is made difficult by the slippery ground. And then we choke in laughter when we see someone slide over and fall.

When the sun shines at its brightest, the fields and the outdoors are the best place on Earth. I swim with friends from sun dawn to sun dusk on weekends On some days when we become lazy to walk the long distance going to the beach, we would busy ourselves creating the most gaudy and gigantic kites. And then we compete whose kite soared the highest.

Dissecting my childhood memories, I am certainly not a loner. I take pleasure in the company of friends.

More so when I was in school. You will rarely see me singly in the campus. I practiced badminton with co-varsity players. I interviewed campus personalities for my feature story in our publication. I camped with fellow classmates during science week celebrations. I led as an officer in student organizations and clubs. Long before I know that it is fun to be with other people.

After I painstakingly finished all my academic requirements, it marked the time to bid goodbye to the comforts of my home. It signalled the moment to embrace living separately with my parents and live to a place I can consider my home.

Economics tells me that life is difficult. Therefore, people who are perplexed why I live independently in a house is incomprehensible. They may be correct and sound to do that gesture for practicality reasons but I chose to stick to the wisdom of living independently.

Living independently made me a different person.

I decide on where and what food to eat to satisfy my own craving. I manage to wake up without other people pulling off my hands. I plan my activities for the rest of the day without the consent or approval of someone else. I clean my place which makes me conscious of my own litter. I brush the tiles and bowl in my CR. I take time in taking a bath without having to worry for the next users. I read books free from distractions of human sounds. I sing my heart out anytime I want. I trip off or put on the fluorescent lamp any time of the day. \

This is the picture of living in solitude. And that is not to detach myself from other people.

I am in full control of my life. I am a mature, young professional who has found his niche outside the portals of the academe. I am now a person who stands on my feet gripping fully on my cognitive capacity to decide on my own.

I am a person who chose to live in sheer solitude. I, who knows the wisdom of living independently.

JAY CRIS FAMOSO, CC, ALB

Speech Number	Speech Title	Date Delivered	Evaluator
1	Leaps and Bounds	June 23, 2007	DTM Greg Vallejera
2	Brain Drain:An Inconvenient Truth	July 09, 2007	ATM – S Juliana Tan
3	Life’s Instructions From a Marathon Race	Sept 01, 2007	DTM Greg Vallejera
4	Outside the Portals of College	Nov 27, 2007	TM Mhelliton Sillador
5	Frustrations	March 01, 2008	ATM Maricel Locsin
6	Coffee Break	March 08, 2008	DTM Ro Leonora
7	Melamine in Focus	Oct 04, 2008	ATM – S Juliana Tan
8	Ascending to Greatness	Nov 29, 2008	CTM Ester Solidad
9	A Toast and A Smile	Dec 05, 2008	DTM Greg Vallejera
10	Dare to Fail	Feb 27, 2009	DTM Ro Leonora

Highlights:

1. It took me 1 year and 8 months to finish the Competent Communicator Norm.
2. My longest hiatus in delivering a speech is 7 months, that is from speech number 6 to 7.
3. The shortest is one week, Speech number 5 to 6. The reason to hurry is that I wanted to qualify in my first contest in toastmasters. It indeed bore fruit. I was Area 33 Champion in the Speech to Evaluate contest among 8 toastmasters.
4. Among my 10 Evaluators, only one came from my club. One was from First Farmers. Eight were from Barangay TMC. That says a lot. Hehehe.



5. DTM Greg Vallejera held the highest number of evaluations. Three times and that says a lot too.

A TOUR AROUND PANAY

When I was a child, I had this lofty and indefatigable dream of becoming a sales representative. It’s not that I think I am persuasive at people nor I am crazy of the idea to take advantage over someone else’s gullibility, all I wanted is a job that will bring me to new and distant places. On that scenario, work is just going to be a leisurely play. I have already this unrelenting notion that a routine job is tantamount to living in utter banality.

Dreams do come true. Last week, I had my rejuvenating week-long stay in the whole unimpeachable picturesque province of Panay.

Let my recounting commence in Estancia, a municipality of fisher folks. It was like turning back the hands of time where you can see the eclectic and gaudy designs and shapes of fishing boats in multi-colored hues. The placid sea was a flabbergasting reflection of the azure skies painted with the chaste cottony clouds. From the vantage point of the sea port, one can gaze the promising island of Cicogon as if coaxing everyone to step on its fertile land waiting in seconds to be mesmerized and enthralled.

The City of Roxas has an impeccable green environment. It is a city to be envied by everyone who's frenzied of living the hustle and bustle of big cities. People were generally warm and welcoming. Famous for its copious seafoods, one should visit the coastal restaurants and have a blast of its sumptuous, mouth-watering, fresh "talaba".

Kalibo is one serene and peaceful city at night. At seven in the evening, you can hardly see people wandering around. It's one perfect place to be in solitude with yourself, literally and metaphorically. It is also one suitable place for voluminous reading as there are no sound distractions near and far.

Miagao is historically and culturally fertile. Their litter-free surroundings is very glaring and conspicuous that deserves special commendation. The Miagao church in its brazen statue that stand so stately and grandiose in its site is one landmark for visitors. It is also proud to be the home of one of the campuses of the premier academic institution in the country, the University of the Philippines-Miagao Campus.

One week was over, but it seemed like it was just yesterday. Til now I am still captive of its beauty and charm. No, I think that is an understatement! I now rest my case.

DARE TO FAIL

There is nothing wrong with my title. It’s no typographical error. Dare to fail! I am articulating! But, this is not to prove my being a non-conformist.

Who wants to fail? Nobody! Who wants to succeed? You’d say, that is a dim-witted question. I am talking of a general perception. In debate, it’s a non-issue. There’s nothing to debate. It’s being truistic that over the time, the notion becomes nonsensical and trivial.

It took me sometime to gather my strength and have the nerve to deliver this 10th speech. To think, I should have hurried so that after, I would become Competent Communicator. Hmmm! That’s quite a big deal! I know it’s being arrogant! But no. I realized that it’s not getting the title that’s of paramount importance, it’s deserving the title. In the same manner, I remember a very striking quote that I read now carved in the recesses of my mind, “It should be the work that should validate the PhD and not the PhD that should validate the work.

We grew up with an indefatigable idea that success is all too nice a thing and that failure is a scrap. The mere thought of failing makes us anxious, pathetic, or even ailing. In our society, the measure of one person is how successful he can be. That way you can etch your name and your story in history books. That has become the standard or the norm they call it.

Growing up, I mean, being a grown-up, I did realize I should not in any way shun away from failure. It is not taboo to talk about failing. Contrary to normal perception, achievers actually fail more times than non-achievers simply because they try more times than non-achievers. One thing that we should realize is that every success story is only one side of the coin. The other side is what we call, failing! Consider the following real stories.

Woody Allen – Academy Award-winning writer, producer and director flunked motion picture production at New York University and the City College of New York. He also failed English at New York University. When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2,000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, “I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2,000-step process. General Douglas MacArthur might never have gained power and fame without persistence. When he applied for admission to West Point, he was turned down, not once but twice. But he tried a third time, was accepted and marched into the history books.

According to Dr. Robert Schuller, “Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure. It just means you haven’t succeeded yet. Failure does not mean you have accomplished nothing. It does mean you have learned something. Failure doesn’t mean you’ve been a fool to try. It means you were brave, you had nerve, you had courage; be proud of your self. Failure does not mean you’ll never make it. It does mean it will take longer. Failure does not mean you’re finished. It does mean you have a chance to start all over again, try something new. Failure doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. It does mean He has a better idea. So it is true, failure is never final.

Yes. Failure is never final. When we try and fail. There’s no stopping us from trying again. It is when we fail that we learn and we learn best when we learn the hard way. It is when we are pressed hard, pressed to our limits, pressed beyond our comprehension that we realize our worth as an individual.

Kites. I never thought that my leisure activity as a child teaches a lesson. My fond of flying kites in the sweltering heat during windy days can be thought-provoking in a way. The kite must fly and soar up high. The higher it stays in the sky, the more amazing and thrilling it is. Not to mention how envious my playmates could get! Now, here’s the lesson. How does a kite soar higher and higher? It is by going against the wind. The stronger the wind blows, the higher the kite soars. When a strong wind comes in our life, it is when we develop that firmness of strength and character in us.

Trees. They are simple living things that because of their ubiquity and familiarity, we don’t care much about them. But wait. Trees just like kites teach us a lesson. The lesson lies in the question, which tree is the strongest. The strongest tree is the tree that is hampered by the strongest wind. The strongest tree is the tree that has survived innumerable storms. Because every storm that it survived, is a root grown deeper into the ground.

Diamonds. We all know them. They are symbols of beauty. Charcoal. Yes, charcoal are those black matter we use in cooking when the LPG runs out. Diamonds and charcoal. Unbelievable it may be but they are actually the same in terms of what it’s made up of. I am not in any way bluffing. Both diamonds and charcoal are made up of Carbon. But why is it that diamonds have luster and sparkling while charcoal are flat and unexciting? It’s the extreme heat that makes charcoal turn into endearing diamonds. Yes, it’s the extremely hot environment that transformed these flat, unexciting charcoals into beautiful and precious gem we recognize as diamonds. So when you felt like giving up because life seemed to be so hard, put up a good fight and come out shining like diamonds. They are forever.

I would have opted to stay being a toastmaster. It’s too risky to become Competent Communicator. The pressure to be brazen. The pressure to be superb. The pressure to be at par with iconic toastmasters.

But life is too short to be always on the safer side of the battlefield. Time and again, I should take risks and dare to fail. Just like the kite, I must go against stagnation for growth as a public speaker. Like the tree, I must be faced with every speech project there is to make my foundation as a toastmaster grow deeper and stronger. And like the charcoal, I must be exposed in red-hot-glowing-fire-incessant-evaluations that I will come out polished and shimmering in the pinnacle of every toastmaster’s journey, like Greg Vallejera, a DISTINGUISHED TOASTMASTER!

SEVEN BOOKS A WEEK

There are few changes in my life now. That sounds too profound. So I'd like to restate that. I am now a morning person. Alright, that's a lot better. I used to dread my weekly change of schedule. No. I don't just dread it. I hated it. It is one of the few reasons why at some point I wanted to quit my present job. But it pays to be patient and persistent. I am now a morning person!

Taking a bath these days takes a lot of courage. It's the cold that seems to penetrate my skin down to the bones that makes me grit my teeth in utter shivering. Well I guess this is not just my plight. This is everybody's. Cheers to that!

Since indulging in water seems insurmountable these days, I have to sit first in one corner of my bed after waking up, just blankly gazing at the beige-colored wall of my room. And then if I felt the strength to move, I'd pick that remote control in my miniature table and turn on the tv. And then, there's Francis Kong still wearing that smile when I first met him on a National Leadership Training Cruise. I have to admit I am a fan. He is one speaker that once he starts talking you can't feel anymore the lingering pain of an ant bite. I mean it. Your eyes will be glued to him in utter disbelief how this person can hypnotize you with his words full of wisdom and inspiration. You hardly notice the time when its him talking. How time flies so fast!

I could still remember, one of the participants, who has just gotten a degree in education was asked by him if she badly needs a job and without batting an eyelash, she said yes. Who wouldn't? Well Francis Kong with all his might in business and business connections said "I can provide you a teaching post" if you pass my requirement. Francis Kong then asked "How many books do you read in one week?". And there was silence. All heads bowed. I saw it. I was the last to bow.

Reading is fun. Reading is highly essential. Reading is a must.

A highly successful businessman never finished college and yet made it in the business world. His secret. He read 7 books a week.

I know of a person who based his friendship on how big you build your library. He has a point. Conversations are avenues of learning. Remember that life is too short to experience everything that it has to offer. Nobody would want to talk to a lousy conversationalist with a lousy, nonsensical vocabulary. It is empirical then to learn from other people. It is pretty much the same when we ask what our classmates know from what they have read before the exam starts. Nostalgia! However, I'd like to make myself clear that it should not be the sole basis of friendship. As what a colleague remarked when I told her of the library as basis for developing friendship, she said "Not everyone has the monetary capacity to own a book. Some just borrowed. That does not make them less of a reader". Point well taken. The main point is, "We have to read".

One way to improve ourselves to to surround us with people better than we are.

How about seven books a week? I wish I could but the main point is, "We have to read".

It's near 7:00 o'clock! I should take my morning bath before getting a written warning for tardiness. I already have two. One more to go.

LIVING IN SOLITUDE

I asked recently a colleague if there’s a term in psychology that refers to a person who enjoys in solitude most of the time. She seemed preoccupied with her analysis that she just earnestly smiled as an answer to my query.

"Why do you live alone in your rented house?"

The question above has been asked to me innumerably that in fact I have gotten used to it. And this is how it usually start.

Commencing a conversation with a stranger, (Let me first qualify the word “stranger”. It could be a friend of my friend, an auditor from another brewery, or a new colleague) one of the informations that will be asked is the location of your house. Then the trail of questions will follow. Take for example my case. Once they know that I am renting my own place. The follow-up question to that would be, "How many are you in the house?" My answer to that. "I live alone". As a follow-up to the follow-up question, would be "Why do I live alone?" If I may deduce the question, they wanted to know if it is a personal choice or a pure circumstance. So I would say it’s a choice. My answer will always elicit a conspicuous, pensive gaze shown in their eyes riveted on my face. "Are you a loner", they would ask. "I am not", I would answer.

My growing up years is not extraordinary. I am like any other child.

Rainy days are blissful days. I play mud, trying to make artistic forms and shapes of anything conceivable under the rain. Playing hide and seek becomes more fun, when running is made difficult by the slippery ground. We choke in laughing when we see someone slide over and fall.

Sunny days are doses of happiness. The fields and the outdoors are my haven for excitement and fun. Swimming with friends from sun dawn to sun dusk on weekends is an activity to look forward to. On some days when we become lazy to walk the long distance going to the beach, we would busy ourselves creating the most gaudy and gigantic kites. And then we compete whose kite soared the highest.

Dissecting my childhood memories, I am certainly not a loner. I take pleasure in the company of friends.

More so when I was in school. You will rarely see me singly in the campus. I practiced badminton with co-varsity players. I interviewed campus personalities for my feature story in our publication. I camped with fellow classmates during science week celebrations. I led as an officer in student organizations and clubs. Long before I know that it is fun to be with other people.

After I painstakingly finished all my academic requirements, it marked the time to bid goodbye to the comforts of my home. It signaled the moment to embrace living separately with my parents and live to a place I can consider my home.

Economics tells me that life is difficult. Therefore, people who are perplexed why I live independently in a house is comprehensible. They may be correct and sound to do that gesture for practicality reasons but I chose to stick to the wisdom of living independently.

Living independently made me a different person.

I decide on where and what food to eat to satisfy my own craving. I manage to wake up without other people pulling off my hands. I plan my activities for the rest of the day without the consent or approval of someone else. I clean my place which makes me conscious of my own litter. I brush the tiles and bowl in my CR. I take time in taking a bath without having to worry for the next users. I read books free from distractions of human sounds. I sing my heart out anytime I want. I trip off or put on the fluorescent lamp any time of the day. \

This is the picture of living in solitude. And that is not to detach myself from other people.

I am in full control of my life. I am a mature, young professional who has found his niche outside the portals of the academe. I am now a person who stands on my feet gripping fully on my cognitive capacity to decide on my own.

I am a person who chose to live in sheer solitude. I, who knows the wisdom of living independently.

INVADING BACOLOD, RECOUNTED; A STRANGER'S TALE

I have figured out two reasons for writing this. One, which is more important, is to make you laugh or at the very least smile. Second is to bring some information which you might find apropos. A good laugh and a good thought are a perfect combo to kick off the year of the Ox.

Warning! Don't underestimate the power of words! Before you know it, you are already giggling in laughter 'til your lungs burst, God forbid.

Born and raised in Dumaguete, I am a certified "Bisdak", a contraction of the cebuano phrase "Bisayang Daku". I speak and know the dialect by heart. As time evolved, the word "Bisdak" has acquired a lot of connotations, two of which are glaring not just exclusive to the circle of pure Cebuanos but reaches as far as the Manileños or the Ilonggos alike. One is called Bisdak if one enunciates wrongly. For example, the Tagalog word "ate" is enunciated with a long "e" which makes it "ati". Or one is called Bisdak if one dresses out of fashion. They try to figure out Bisdaks as people who do not know the difference between straight cut jeans and skinny jeans. People who only have a slim chance of visiting shopping malls. But I will not extract a single sweat to prove that these are all fallacies. However, allow me to articulate that one should not make a generalization unless otherwise proven.

I could still remember that one fateful day when I was asked by my manager why I wanted to be transferred in Cebu. (That time, I was in Bacolod.) I paused. I thought very hard to make myself as persuasive as I could. It's going to be a make or break decision. A critical one. Life-changing maybe. I gave three reasons of decreasing importance. With eagerness and decisiveness I said "Sir there's no language barrier, Cebu is a really familiar place, and its nearer to my abode. Now, I am still in Bacolod. Could somebody tell me any reason more convincing? Who knows that question might come to me tomorrow or next month.

Since I was made to stay, I can't possibly beat all Ilonggos in Bacolod, so I have to join them. This means I have to learn their dialect, the Hiligaynon.

I was utterly lost when I set foot in the city in 2006. With no relatives around, I know I am in for a big challenge. Lost because I didnt even know where to start. My first unforgettable moment was when I rode a jeepney. A passenger with a roaring voice said, "Bangga lang". I thought, what? It made me panic! What the hell is that? Why would he want this jeepney bumped! So I waited. But nothing notorious happened. We just halted beside the street. I felt relieved. When I got home, I hastily asked my landlady what "bangga" means and to my surprise its not to bump. Thank goodness my panic did not manifest! It could have been a Bisdak moment?!

I was with my colleagues when we were about to cross the street, I declared "labang", but nobody crossed. They just gave me a pensive stare. To cross in Hiligaynon is "tabuk". Now I know!

I saw this miniature animal trying its way near us when I exclaimed to a friend, "ok-ok". To my surprise, that friend did'nt even react. Cockroach in the dialect of the Ilonggos is "tanga".

I almost quarreled a colleague because she said she'll be around in a while. I waited for minutes before she came. What she said to me was, "Coming nko karon". Trying to settle things, I came to know that "karon" in Ilonggo means later but in Cebuano, it means now. How contradicting words can get!

All of these mishaps are already etched in my mind. Inseparable! Who to blame? No one! Not my manager of course! (I hope he can read this.) Because whenever I look back, it always gave me that beaming, contagious smile. Now I am smiling!